A Fresh Start Beckoning...

The scars had to be hidden,

To start anew.

Niggling fears were swept under the rug

Some were old and some born new.  

"Be bold, be brave!"

Is that what they told you?

When you were breaking apart?

How many ‘wise’ people

Actually stood by you,

And helped you make a clean start?

“I’m fine!”

“Let’s shrug it off…”

“I’ll manage. I don’t need anyone.”

Half-hearted words kept you afloat

Even if, they escaped from an insincere tongue

From a heart that was constantly yearning for love.

Not a soul cared for your struggles and strife.

You put on the cloak of indifference,

And cynicism helped you survive.

Smiling through despair

You laughed in the face of ill-fate.

And numbed every nerve, every fiber

That screamed against agony after agony.

Weathered and beaten,

You fervently wish you could get even,

With the world that caused you hurt. 

When you’re efforts aren’t rewarded

And your dreams are thwarted,

Don’t forget your true worth!

As one year rolls into another,

And the sun peeks out of the clouds yet again,

A ray of hope will penetrate through the sadness.

Pick up the pieces of an unknown tomorrow

Rebuild your castle of shattered dreams

Surround yourself with friends who’ll embrace your madness!

Don’t hide away from an onslaught of grief,

You can only let go, when you finally give in

It’s perfectly okay to weep!

Life’s long esplanade has rendered you tired.

You’ve been battling too long,

For every little thing you desired.

When you’re penning your own fantastic story

Instead of wistful woes and failed ventures,

Your journal should speak of tangy tales and heart-warming adventures.

Take the plunge, because that’s your best bet!

You've got to do, what you've got to do. 

Would you ride in a caravan of cherished memories

Or accumulate boxes full of regret?  

To Forgive and To Forget- A different perspective!

Yes; It is very much a noble endeavor. Forgiveness is cited to be a healing act; that transforms our perspective on life and the negativity associated with it. A lot of people lament though, that it is not always practical to forgive and forget; sometimes the extent of the hurt and damage done to us is so severe that it becomes impossible to be kind and forgiving. So what you have is a person who either learns the beautiful art of 'Forgiving and Forgetting" or a person who refuses to buy the concept behind the phrase!

My take on the subject is slightly divergent- Firstly, I as an individual do not "Forgive and Forget". My exceptions are God, my parents and my extended family, whose unconditional love has often rescued me from the dark corners of life. But, for the others, who have not had any significant contribution in my life, apart from wrecking it, I do not wish to be a person who forgives and forgets! Tut-tut! What a negative approach to life, you may wonder! But honestly, it isn't!

I've read in so many places, that people like me are bitter, resentful and are revengeful towards those who have wronged us; we live in the miseries of the past and wallow in a sense of grief and regret. I frankly don't agree with this assumption. I am not in the least bitter about my past experiences with people who did not deserve my time and friendship. In fact, I am grateful to them- because if it weren't for them; I may not have realized the difference between the genuinely Good and the irrevocably Bad. I would not have realized the importance of the values that my parents have instilled in me, and I would have never come out of the reverie that 'If am good I am inevitably going to be a recipient of goodness'. It is exactly this revelation, that convinces me that to forgive and to forget is not the best thing to do.

I, in fact believe that it is not our right to forgive in the first place. We as mortals, are prone to making mistakes, hurting people, intentionally or unintentionally; I may have done so myself! Therefore, I lose the very right to forgive anyone. Some forgiveness may be in order for me, who knows!?  Having said that, I don't believe that we deserve all the wrong that has been done to us! Some of it can be chalked down to Karma, but most of it is the inevitable play of life, which brings us in contact with the desirable and the undesirable elements.

Another aspect to the subject of forgiveness is that, If I forgive the person I also let them off for taking undue advantage of my friendship and defiling the trust that I had placed in them. When a person deceives you like that, you can never build back that trust again; you can never bridge the gulf that would've opened up between you, because the fundamental basis of any relationship is trust! So even if I tell myself to forgive them, we will never share the same bond; the friendship would've lost the anchor of trust... So, forgive a person to the extent, that you are rid of any negative or harmful vibes; consider him to be a misguided individual- who in time will bear the brunt of his mistakes the hard way! But never.. never FORGET what this person has done to you..Your interaction with this person, has brought you closer to the realities of life- you have faced humiliation due to him- you have felt the indignity of being shunned out! If you forget, you also forget the times that you were faced with ignominy, and that makes you vulnerable and less alert in the future. If you keep the memories alive with you, never again will you let a person come even an inch close to harming you... You will have fortified yourself.. This does not mean however, that you will cease to make mistakes, that you will cease to have bad experiences with people... But you will have gained an intuition, a sixth sense, which would help you get a whiff of malicious intent in people. On the other hand, it will also help you cultivate a great, sincere friendship with individuals who truly value your presence in their lives.

So if I do not forgive and forget, it doesn't mean I am full of hatred and ill regard for those temporary negative influences who have come and gone by! Rather, I have detached myself from them completely.. I don't ponder on the lives of such people, I don't brood when I see them happy, I don't wish them ill, because I am fully aware that bad deeds have a curious way of creeping up on you and taking you unawares! God will make them pay in His own way. I don't have to bother my head about them... Because I have a life, full of activity, full of surprises, full of worthy people who have filled it with meaning.. I have learned to count my blessings and smile through it all! So you see, there is no negativity attached to this approach at all! 

My friend asked me a pretty good question when she heard my views on the subject- "So if a person is truly repentant, and wants to make amends, would you not forgive him?"
My answer to that is, we have exceptions in every case. Once you have trained your sixth sense to distinguish between genuine and shallow people, you can use your discretion to judge whether the person deserves your trust and love.. If he does, I don't see why you shouldn't give him a second chance! There are chances, that he goes back to his selfish ways and gives you a hard time, but you must remember that now you are a wiser and stronger person..You can deal with anything that is thrown at you! Never, compromise on your self worth though! No one has the right to make you feel like crap!

Always remember, "In my life, I call the shots!! My life, My rules!!" :)

Life In a Metro- Story 1- 'Tear' ing through!

Hi all! As promised, I'm back with my very first story for the column. Its the oldest metro story I can recall, and believe me it still moves me to tears! Tears of laughter, of course. Nothing to sob about here! Its a pretty funny one.. So let me get on with my narration.

I remember clearly I was in school at the time of the incident- It was one of those days when my school van turned up late, and I decided to take the metro instead. Initially when you're new to things, you take quite some time to learn the ropes. Back then, I was still awkward with metro rides- getting to the right platform, stepping into the right train- all that i was still rusty with!

I was traveling alone and it was going to be a long ride from Race Course ( nearest to school) to Guru Dronacharya metro station (nearest to home). But as soon as I stepped into the pleasant air conditioned compartment of the metro, I was filled with relief! EMPTY seats! Well, almost.. At least, I got a corner to myself- the thought of carrying my heavy schoolbag on my back 'standing' was hardly attractive.

Soon, our metro glided out of race course and made its way towards Gurgaon. I remember spending the first ten minutes of the metro ride in bliss!  I  was still marveling at my luck and was thankful for the corner seat that I had bagged, when the discomfort started.

Before setting off for school that day, I had decided to slip on my contact lenses. It was pretty adventurous of me actually- it was the first time I had worn them to school. Being heavily myopic, I'm dependent on my nerdy spectacles for good measure, and there were and still are times when I get bored of the nerdy look, and hate what spectacles can do to my face! So, on that particular day I decided to wear my contacts and flaunt my eyes a bit. ( Who says we went to school only to study? There were no male attention seeking tactics behind this act though, if your mind is running in that direction! I went to a Convent school) Little did I know then, that looking good comes with a price tag- and guess what- I paid with my tears!

Suddenly, I had this annoying scratchy sensation in my eyes. I blinked my eyes twice, but the sensation persisted. My vision was getting affected too- I looked around and saw the few ladies in the compartment, in their blurred form. I didn't panic, because this had happened to me before- sometimes while wearing lenses my eyes would get dry. But the catch was, that after a while the sensation would go! Here, the idiotic scratchy feeling would just not leave me. I had this mad urge to drown my eyes in water, when God heard my prayers and rewarded me with water- in the form of tears!

Before I knew it, there were tears streaming down my face! No, I wasn't literally crying-  I suppose my eyes needed moistening desperately, so they started hyper-actively creating water, and that in turn was causing the great Ganges to flow from my eyes! But this is when the real fun started. Two aunties, who were sitting in the opposite seats, were in a rapt conversation with each other, until my uncontrollable display of tears attracted their attention.

Whatever their conversation was about- they forgot all about it. I, had now become the focal point of their discussions. Well, I don't blame them- I must've looked like quite a sight- my big eyes oozing with tears, and my desperate urgency to wipe them off would've set a trail of colorful stories in their mind- one of these stories fell onto my ears, and I was horrified! They tried to hush it up, but loud Delhi aunties wouldn't know the first thing about hushing anything up!

So, this is how Gossip monger Aunty A communicated to Over eager ears Aunty B- " Must've failed in one of here subjects in school!" I almost choked on my tears when I heard that!

Aunty B had another interesting theory- " These days, girls concentrate more on their boyfriends (she emphasized the word) than studying for exams! "

At that point I could have butted in and told them that I'm very much single and was one of the toppers in my class,(Irony at its best!) but I was desperate to get out of the train. My tears were getting worse. We had crossed Chattarpur; 15 minutes more in the company of gossiping aunties was not a very comfortable prospect.

Aunty A was subjecting me to merciless scrutiny- "Just look at her- she is traveling alone- Kids these days get into a lot trouble."

Aunty B, by this time was looking at me with sincere sympathy in her eyes; as if at long last, she could feel my pain! I remember at this point, I had put on a bright smile to assure them that everything is not as bad as it seems, but that got them staring harder at me! "2 more stations and I'm home", I thought desperately to myself!

My eyes felt sore from all the crying, and I wondered tiredly why not even once they didn't feel the need to ask me what the crying was all about! Not that I was looking for something like that- that saved me a lot of trouble actually! I would've had to tell them about my contact lenses, and they were not the type to buy that kind of explanation, so its great they didn't try to get to the bottom of it!

I abruptly got up, when it was announced that my station is next, and literally stumbled out of the train when the doors opened. That was the last I saw of the Ultimate 'Gossip Girls' duo! (Thank God !) Their insane conjectures added to my watery discomfort, were making my head reel!

After that, I NEVER wore contact lenses to school! The memories of the metro ride were enough to put me off lenses for quite a while! But this was one of the earliest memories of the metro I still fondly look back upon! When I play it in my head now, it was no less than a rib tickling scene from a Priyadarshan Film! Gob Bless both Aunty A and B, wherever they might be! :)

Life in a Metro!! An Overview...

 Okay, i have been so laid-back about writing lately, that im surprised that my blog hasn't been deactivated! No excuses! I'm not going to offer any excuse this time because I'm very enthusiastic about a new column that I'm going to start blogging about. Its called 'Life in a Metro'. Well, that introduction was way too abrupt. So not my style ! So let me get into this from the beginning- How I conceived the very idea of the column, and why its going to be fun for you guys to read through this!

Every writer faces a creative block at one point or the other; I must confess that its most frustrating not to have anything to write about! Its like staring at a blank wall like an idiot, waiting for something good to just pop in your head, but well, nothing does so you continue staring into that blank space remorselessly. So, yes, I was experiencing this dull empty block in my head owing to the rut of college, office, and home! But paradoxically, it is this routine that made me realize the full potential of my new column..

When I say "Life in a Metro", I DO NOT mean Anurag Basu's movie!! No, you may not find tales of unrequited love, cruel competition and stifling lives of struggling corporate workers in a metropolitan here- and on the other hand you may discover way way more than that through this column; What I'm really talking about is Dilli ki Jaan- The Delhi Metro! Still confused? Let me clear this up!

In these four years of under graduation from NIFT Delhi, I may have made thousands of trips on the metro already. I literally do not feel the need to learn to drive, because of this wonder train! Also, by car you can forget about travelling to Chandni Chowk, Sadar Bazaar and the curious little haunts of Delhi without getting your brains on fire! The heaving discomfort of parking your car into a tiny space, amidst the yells of locals and the crazy honking of belligerent vehicles, all packed in the same narrow lane, is too much for my heart to take! No, such acts are for those patient souls who pay the price for owning a car! Till the time I don't own one, I will avail of this trustworthy service which I believe is the backbone of Delhi transport.

The metro has brought me closer to 'Delhi" and got me acquainted with places that I wouldn't have ever been to otherwise. Today, if I decide to hop in a metro and go to a Godforsaken place in Delhi to get some work done, my mom will never object- she knows that if there is anything 'safe' in Delhi its the Metro..

And why is the Metro the hot topic of my column again? Well, if you truly and very minutely observe, the metro is a reflection on Delhi and its Delhiites. Culture, values, funny stories, crazy aunties, lechy men, pole dancing kids; the concoction of curious elements makes for a great eye opener on what Delhi means to me...

From today, I start blogging on my unusual, sometimes cocky experiences on this wonder train, and before i start this incredible journey, I'll thank all those anonymous people on the metro who have inspired me enough to get this column going! And lastly, I hope my ode to the Metro proves to be fascinating and captivating to my readers, and please do feel free to write about your experiences on this wonderful service as the blogging  continues!
 Cheers! Let's get this started!
:)

Highway To Heaven

The rustling of leaves,

The soft ticking of the clock,

The thunderous roar of lightening,

The crashing waves against rocks;

You can hear sweet symphony, when your ears are keen;

Jabbering mouths and wagging tongues,

Only succeed in making sounds obscene.

When you desire to retire,

From life’s routine satire,

Keep a distance from that blessed phone;

All you need is rest,

And you can do that best,

Away from its monotonous drone;

Do you wonder listlessly,

When finally you’d be free,

Of the weight that’s on your back?

Oh, don’t be so blue!

When you haven’t a damned clue,

Life may just cut you some slack!

Delve deeper into your existence,

And understand why you haven’t been strong,

To shun away worldly distractions,

You ought not to have taken this long!

Away from skyscrapers, And corporate alligators,

What you really need is a place to ‘belong’!

Don’t just dream of deserts and beaches,

While you wait in a traffic jam and your car screeches.

Get on the first flight to heaven!

A glass of champagne would do precious little to ease the pain,

When you need to be on cloud seven!

So learn to have fun,

Even while you slog;

If you’re a dreamer, You’ll learn quick,

To go the whole Hog!! :) 

Strangers

An empty frame, adorning my wall,
Your presence I cannot explain;

Alone, in the quiet chambers of my heart,
In the shadows of sweet awareness,
I seem to echo your name.

The pain that tears you apart;
Turns into incessant agony.
Burns me through my soul,
Poignantly, now more than ever before;

Married to the joys and sorrows of this bond,
Weaving an incredible dream,
I wonder, if I've  known you a lifetime or more; 

The strangeness of being united in pain;
Words swept under the rug of reserve.
The quickening of my breath,
When I sense you near;

We never exchanged a thousand words,
We never passed knowing smiles.
Yet, our eyes could never shield lies,
The answer revealed in their unnerving depths,
Defying superficial veneer.

Holding back the angry tide of emotion,
Lips sealed with halted out pour,
We part ways on many a excuse; 

In disquieting sleep, We meet again and again;
For once , our emotions unveiled..
When reality comes beckoning,
At the moment of blissful reckoning,
You fade away in constant interlude.

Ignoring the yearning of the soul,
We maintain a stony indifference,
In the face of our unlikely communion;
Does it matter, this awkwardness of situation?
When we're eternal companions?

Yet, we tread alone,
Separated by a sprawling distance,
In a vagabond country, two lonely rangers.

 But when the clocks unwind,
And our worlds collide,
Purging the distance that held us apart,
Would we still remain strangers? 




 

The Retarded RANK RACE!!

A concerned friend came to me the other day and asked, "Hey, Aren't you blogging anymore?!"
I smiled at her and told her firmly, "I don't blog just for the sake of blogging. Each and everything i write has a strong inspiration behind it. Without any inspiration at all, whatever I write will fall flat on its face!!" She seemed visibly satisfied with my answer, but made me uneasy with a comment that initially bewildered me- " What about your rank on that blogger site!? You'd better keep blogging or else it'll affect your rank!"

Well, there you go! I have to thank my enlightened friend! She has inspired me to get back to my keypad with that absurd comment. This obsession with 'RANK" is not just hers alone. Millions of Indians live with this obsession and wallow in it! Its always 'My Rank is better than hers, or Why couldn't i score a better rank than him?' Gosh! I wonder if somewhere down the line, we've compromised our individuality or more importantly, our happiness in the name of 'RANK'.

This confounded word has doggedly chased me throughout my school tenure, and continues to pester me at the age of 20! Its worse for people like me, who don't give a rat's arse as to how much we score, or where we stand in class, because our confidence in ourselves is unshakable. We don't need a RANK to justify our talent.

Yet, it breaks my heart to see young people over concerned about being high rankers. To me, it seems like a colossal waste of time. In the quest to be high rankers, they have forgotten that it is 'knowledge' and ' work experience' that can set you a class apart. You can only gain knowledge, if you allow your mind to be child like- full of adventure and innocent inquisitiveness! And that can only happen, if your mind is not saddled with the baggage of marks, rank, under confidence, or even overconfidence (Too much of anything is detrimental)!

The word 'rank' itself saps your creativity. Its my personal experience that when I complete my assignments diligently without letting the negativity of the entire world to weigh upon my heart, I feel content and self satisfied. After having done my bit of my work, all i want to do is go back to my bed and relax my tired muscles. I don't understand, how a person who is sufficiently busy in life, and has several priorities to attend to, can tax their mind over who's getting ahead in the 'rat race' and who's been left behind!

When i speak heatedly about this with Papa, he explains to me patiently, " There have to be certain parameters to judge a student. So, ranking students fits well into the education system, because you get judged on the basis of your work. It is for your own good. "

I would've believed him, if we had  been receiving education from the most professional college of the millennium, where sycophancy and pandering to a teacher's whim, is not what is going to get you a better rank than others. Granted, that all teachers are not biased and have generally the student's best interests at heart, but it is first and foremost important for you to be happy with your work! The marks you get are secondary. If you cringe from your work, and yet rack your head over where you stand in class, you are a nincompoop!

I am certainly blessed with parents, who inquire about my marks only to ascertain whether I have passed. It's not that i have set my standards low or I am undeserving of high marks. I just don't bother about them, and nor do my parents. They used to be elated, when I used to top my exams back in high school, and I'm sure they feel a twinge of disappointment, when they hear of my stagnant progress on the rank scale in college, but they never judge or harass me. My hard work and dedication in everything that i do; from the most exciting project to the most mundane task, does not go unnoticed by them. And their pride and belief in my caliber never ceases to dwindle. When it gets too much I cozy up to mamma and ask her tearfully, "Are you unhappy with me!?" In response, she holds me close to her chest in a tight embrace, and says, "You are my Shona mey (dearest girl)! Don't be hard on yourself." Those words are like an elixir to me- the fact that someone understands you and gives you back your lost confidence, is what you need when you let this horrid word 'rank' affect you.

Contrary to this, I have seen lots of friends, driven crazy by their parents, to be toppers! For what joy, may I ask? Only to prove to your relative, that their daughter or son is less intelligent than yours? Is this what society has come to? Recently, when our mid-term marks were out, once of my classmates, got so affected by her score that she ruined the fabric she was working on. Anxiety was stamped on her face, and her mood for the week, at least, was somber and aloof.

Lets not pretend that every high ranker, achieves paramount success in life. Renowned individuals have been successful around the world for their revolutionary ideas and the drive to create building blocks for the future. So many names have gone down in the record- Rajnikanth, Abdul Kalam, Marc Zucherberg, to name a few. The list is endless. If all they had to do in life, was to frame their grades on a wall, I'm certain they would not have earned the respect and admiration of millions. They dreamed big, and they had the courage to make it happen; they lived their respective journeys beautifully, through the highs and lows of life.

I would hope to see my country, look beyond the rat race, and analyse life for what it really is- A colour palette! Each colour signifies some or the other phase in our life, and indicates that life is multi hued. No single color makes up your personality- all the colors on the palette make you distinctive as an individual, and each color is special; from the brightest to the darkest. Similarly, look at the several aspects of your life, and look back on all your achievements. You would soon realize that the journey to reach your goal, was far more meaningful and inspiring than the rank that was awarded to you. Learn to fall in love with life once again, before it's too late and you lose your spark! Maybe, watching Three Idiots again would help? :)