What is it like to be a woman in India? I reply with a heavy heart, that we are an endangered species. Do we even possess the fundamental rights that the constitution boasts about? Right to safety and protection, Right to Freedom and Equality, the Right to life, and every other right in the book that has been designed to protect our dignity and self respect, have made a mockery of our existence, and have left us defenseless in own country.
Among other fears that choke our independence, the fear of being raped is the most horrifying and intimidating. A woman can be raped in many ways. I often travel in the general compartment of the Delhi Metro. I don't even have to look around and i already know that all the men in the compartment have their eyes on me, like hungry vultures, in eager anticipation of a prey. Some of them lose interest; others start ogling at other women who make an appearance in the compartment, and creepily there are some who will refuse to look at anything or anybody other than me. Isn't that rape? I don't blame a man for being a man, but no one has the right to make me feel uncomfortable or uneasy in a place which I have as much right to share as any other man! I'm sure other women would have their versions of being raped everyday. Some would speak of being groped, poked, squeezed and insulted in buses and some would talk about their own fathers, brothers or even husbands, trampling upon their aspirations and self- esteem.
What makes it so easy for a man to undermine a woman? What makes him think that we can be treated like the dirt of his feet? Indian men, are alas, resistant to change. Even in progressive India, it is comforting for an average man to exercise his dominance over a woman. He is rarely made to answer for his actions as he feels secure and protected in the existing patriarchal system, which has time and again tilted in favor of the male, even when it should have backed the female. After being raped, the woman becomes the carrier of humiliation and insult, and the man escapes scot free, as no one feels it necessary to make him pay for his sins.
As a country, we have a an appalling habit of getting accustomed to the way of things. It took, a barbaric rape incident to jolt us out of our habitual lives, and wake up to the the savage murder of a young girl who committed the folly of choosing a private bus as a mode of transport, back home, only to ride to her death.
Nirbhaya, reminded us that we are outcasts in our own country. There are other cases we haven't even heard of, but are probably as shocking and outrageous in nature.
Ever since, I read about rape cases and what a rapist can do to a woman, I have often wondered why a man would delight in dishonoring a woman. Can it only be animal lust or sexual deprivation? But my mind ruled that out. When is sex is readily available in brothels, why would a man go to such lengths to satisfy his lust? Is he mentally ill or just a pervert? On thinking further, i realized that the answer really lies in the way men are brought up in our country. In the North, the predominant and favored sex, men are taught to believe that they have all the rights, while their mothers, sisters and wives have none. A woman is made to take to the kitchen and handle all domestic chores, as she is seen fit only for that. It is her 'duty' to serve her husband. and abide by' his' rules. Her status in the household is only slightly elevated, when she gives birth to a boy, but even so, she she is under the dominance of her husband. The girl child is yet to be treated as an equal, as she is still unwelcome and perceived as a burden on the family; one which they can only get rid of when she's married, and that implicates her family further, as they would have to shell out dowry to get her married in the first place. In villages, and small towns, there is no conception of a 'modern' India, where a woman can venture out of the house and earn as much as a man, even more in fact. A woman is probably not even aware of her rights, and how can she? She is not even sent to school! And even if she does go to school, do they teach young children about their rights and privileges? I remember having learnt about fundamental rights for the first time, when i was in class 8! Isn't that a bit too late!
A man, who has grown up in a patriarchal environment, cannot tolerate a woman outshining him, or even earning success and plaudits. It is the biggest insult to his manhood. According to him, a woman should keep her head bowed, and always remember her 'maryaada', which is to rot inside the four walls of the house. The moment, he sniffs her spirit trying to break free of this well defined 'maryaada', he is enraged and he believes he should 'conform' her and make her see the light. This warped and convoluted vision, is a result of his upbringing and the values that have been ingrained in him. In most cases, men rape just to prove a point. So he rapes her and reminds her, that he is the boss, and if she messes with him, he will always torment and torture her with his might and physical strength, and tame her into a docile submissive creature that she ought to be. The rapists in the Nirbhaya case, hurled insulting comments at her (before raping her) and her companion for staying out of their homes late at night (9o clock was late for them). A woman alone with a man at this hour! What a prostitute, they would have thought. A loose woman, who must entertain them, now that she had set foot in the trap they had laid out. In their perverted heads, they didn't even twice before tearing her apart; they had the overbearing confidence and temerity that they could get away untainted with blood on their hands.And they weren't completely wrong! Looks like the juvenile is going to get away with only 5 yrs of imprisonment, and then one can only hope he completes his full term in hell. There are, of course other reasons, which can bring out a cannibal in a man. Reasons which i have not yet been able to fit in to my reasoning behind rapes and rapists. But the predominant reason, seems to allude to outdated and regressive connotations that are attached to women; and i'm not just talking about villages, among the uneducated lot; the educated and affluent class can also baffle you with their stereotyping of women.
India may have to take several births, to fully realize the importance of women. Awards and titles to women may hail their contribution in society and also stress for women reforms, but the ground reality is that we are still persecuted and made to believe that we are the 'lesser' sex. When a woman can do so much more than a man, why should her dignity always be at stake and why should she be in the mercy of a man!?
For starters, lets teach young boys in school, that it was a 'woman' who gave them the gift of life, and it was from her milk that they drew their bodily strength. So before insulting and demeaning any woman, they should remember who they owe their lives to.
As for young girls, lets teach them to believe in themselves, and be fearless in their pursuit of independence!
