To Forgive and To Forget- A different perspective!

Yes; It is very much a noble endeavor. Forgiveness is cited to be a healing act; that transforms our perspective on life and the negativity associated with it. A lot of people lament though, that it is not always practical to forgive and forget; sometimes the extent of the hurt and damage done to us is so severe that it becomes impossible to be kind and forgiving. So what you have is a person who either learns the beautiful art of 'Forgiving and Forgetting" or a person who refuses to buy the concept behind the phrase!

My take on the subject is slightly divergent- Firstly, I as an individual do not "Forgive and Forget". My exceptions are God, my parents and my extended family, whose unconditional love has often rescued me from the dark corners of life. But, for the others, who have not had any significant contribution in my life, apart from wrecking it, I do not wish to be a person who forgives and forgets! Tut-tut! What a negative approach to life, you may wonder! But honestly, it isn't!

I've read in so many places, that people like me are bitter, resentful and are revengeful towards those who have wronged us; we live in the miseries of the past and wallow in a sense of grief and regret. I frankly don't agree with this assumption. I am not in the least bitter about my past experiences with people who did not deserve my time and friendship. In fact, I am grateful to them- because if it weren't for them; I may not have realized the difference between the genuinely Good and the irrevocably Bad. I would not have realized the importance of the values that my parents have instilled in me, and I would have never come out of the reverie that 'If am good I am inevitably going to be a recipient of goodness'. It is exactly this revelation, that convinces me that to forgive and to forget is not the best thing to do.

I, in fact believe that it is not our right to forgive in the first place. We as mortals, are prone to making mistakes, hurting people, intentionally or unintentionally; I may have done so myself! Therefore, I lose the very right to forgive anyone. Some forgiveness may be in order for me, who knows!?  Having said that, I don't believe that we deserve all the wrong that has been done to us! Some of it can be chalked down to Karma, but most of it is the inevitable play of life, which brings us in contact with the desirable and the undesirable elements.

Another aspect to the subject of forgiveness is that, If I forgive the person I also let them off for taking undue advantage of my friendship and defiling the trust that I had placed in them. When a person deceives you like that, you can never build back that trust again; you can never bridge the gulf that would've opened up between you, because the fundamental basis of any relationship is trust! So even if I tell myself to forgive them, we will never share the same bond; the friendship would've lost the anchor of trust... So, forgive a person to the extent, that you are rid of any negative or harmful vibes; consider him to be a misguided individual- who in time will bear the brunt of his mistakes the hard way! But never.. never FORGET what this person has done to you..Your interaction with this person, has brought you closer to the realities of life- you have faced humiliation due to him- you have felt the indignity of being shunned out! If you forget, you also forget the times that you were faced with ignominy, and that makes you vulnerable and less alert in the future. If you keep the memories alive with you, never again will you let a person come even an inch close to harming you... You will have fortified yourself.. This does not mean however, that you will cease to make mistakes, that you will cease to have bad experiences with people... But you will have gained an intuition, a sixth sense, which would help you get a whiff of malicious intent in people. On the other hand, it will also help you cultivate a great, sincere friendship with individuals who truly value your presence in their lives.

So if I do not forgive and forget, it doesn't mean I am full of hatred and ill regard for those temporary negative influences who have come and gone by! Rather, I have detached myself from them completely.. I don't ponder on the lives of such people, I don't brood when I see them happy, I don't wish them ill, because I am fully aware that bad deeds have a curious way of creeping up on you and taking you unawares! God will make them pay in His own way. I don't have to bother my head about them... Because I have a life, full of activity, full of surprises, full of worthy people who have filled it with meaning.. I have learned to count my blessings and smile through it all! So you see, there is no negativity attached to this approach at all! 

My friend asked me a pretty good question when she heard my views on the subject- "So if a person is truly repentant, and wants to make amends, would you not forgive him?"
My answer to that is, we have exceptions in every case. Once you have trained your sixth sense to distinguish between genuine and shallow people, you can use your discretion to judge whether the person deserves your trust and love.. If he does, I don't see why you shouldn't give him a second chance! There are chances, that he goes back to his selfish ways and gives you a hard time, but you must remember that now you are a wiser and stronger person..You can deal with anything that is thrown at you! Never, compromise on your self worth though! No one has the right to make you feel like crap!

Always remember, "In my life, I call the shots!! My life, My rules!!" :)